Melee HD’s 5 Most Anticipated Features

Super Smash Brothers Melee was released in 2001 and has stood the test of time, proving its popularity by rivaling tournament attendance and viewership numbers of premier esports games. With a massive following through the Smash community, this timeless classic has had rumors about an upcoming facelift for years. However, many smashers and Reddit theorists believe Melee HD could be a reality in the wake of the Nintendo Switch launch. With that in mind, here are the Smash community’s top 5 most requested features for the yet-to-exist title:

1 –   A way to plug that tree’s pie-hole on Dreamland

Seriously ask yourself if you’ve ever seen an anthropomorphized tree in real life blow wind out of its face. No? The tree sits there the entire match blowing air like it’s a dragon from Camelot breathing fire. The Turnip says it’s time for that tree to shut its mouth or get turned into the paper for Melee HD’s box art.

 

2 –   Triplet, Quadruplet, Quintuplet, and Sextuplet versions of Ice Climbers

It’s safe to say these little shits aren’t going anywhere for Melee HD; but why has Nintendo chosen to only show twins, and under-represent other multiple births? The /r/SmashBros subreddit has posts about this feature on a weekly basis, which is why we’ve included it on this list.

 

3 –   A 911 panic button

We’ve all been there before: you’re sitting 3 inches from the CRT playing your favorite game (Melee) and suddenly you snap out of the trance when you hear a loud crash and, upon looking up, you see a burglar pointing a handgun at you. In 2018, companies have an obligation to ensure customer safety, which is why having a button on the controller which instantly requests a swat team to your location is practically a necessity (think LifeAlert). Alternatively, Nintendo could simply bundle a semi-automatic AR-15 assault rifle with a cleaning kit and sixty .223 rounds with each copy of Melee HD.

 

4 –  The removal of these abominations

 

5 –   A “how-to” DMCA guidebook

When you’re looking to be the best at anything, you go to the experts. No one takes down fan-content, shuts down Youtube videos, or resists industry trends like Nintendo does. I’m sure we could all learn a thing or two about DMCA and copyright strikes from the masters themselves. A guidebook would be the perfect way to build a closer bond with the competitive SSBM community, and would be a serious tool for learning as it could likely rival copyright law lessons from Harvard. Lets get the rest of the Smash community to be like Bizzaro Flame.

We hope that one day, Melee HD will exist in reality rather than just our imaginations. Until then, we can only speculate on the features that Nintendo will likely include in the revitalized game. Hopefully, Nintendo will take one or two of the ideas from our list to make Melee HD the game we all want to see.

 


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