CALIFORNIA — Melee It On Me scientists have made a gloomy statement this past Monday following the finals of the recent Shine 2018 tournament by Big Blue Esports. The report found that 2018 tournament victories by Justin “Plup” McGrath and Zain “Zain” Naghmi correlated with increase in seismic activity near Yellowstone National Park.
Yellowstone, a caldera supervolcano, has remained dormant for hundreds of thousands of years, and is currently 600,000 years overdue for an eruption. The MIOM scientists proved statistically that tournament wins by underdogs correlates near-perfectly with strong seismic activities in 2018 (correlation coefficient “r” = 0.97).
“There is that saying that ‘correlation doesn’t imply causation’, but a 0.97 correlation is enough evidence to suggest that underdogs need to stop winning tournaments right now and keep with the status quo,” said Russel Van Dulken, a specialist at Melee It On Me, “the fate of the world could depend on it.”
Non-“god” Melee players have rarely won tournaments in history, making Plup’s win at the Genesis 5 supermajor and Zain’s win at Shine 2018 particularly concerning. The Turnip recommends that non-god players allow gods to win tournaments to ensure dormancy of the volcano at Yellowstone.
When asked for comment, Plup responded: “Dude I don’t want Yellowstone to blow up. That would suck.”
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